The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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