Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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