just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
