I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize