At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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