Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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