so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
