I heard we made out
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
