It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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