If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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