just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
