Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
