pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
