I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize