apparently the secret to your success is patron
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
