at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
