So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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