we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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