It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
