oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
