Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
