my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize