I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
