I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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