if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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