Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize