also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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