biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
