Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
