we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
