the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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