Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
