Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
