Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize