could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
