So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
