with your own penis?
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize