I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
