I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
