I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
