so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
