So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
