I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
