She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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