You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
