were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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