if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Say something about gay babies.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
