The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
