Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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