So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
