i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
