I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
