keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize