1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
