you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
