Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
