Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
