Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
