dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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