you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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