No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
