I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
