Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
