I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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