It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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