Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
