He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
