Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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