I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
