bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
