after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
