Ambien. No doubt about it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
