u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
