pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
