when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
