I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
