Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
