Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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