OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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