My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Text me some of your sweat
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
