I think I won the penis lottery.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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