It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
