I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
