I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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