He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
