My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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