everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
