remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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