is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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