Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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