tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
