hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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