I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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