I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
accomplished twins. life is a go
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
