I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
