i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
