lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize