Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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