It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
