I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It all started with a game of naked twister.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
