Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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