Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
