At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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