he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
