She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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