yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
