I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
