Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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