He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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