I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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