I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
