gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My penis needs a shock collar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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