Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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