I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
