They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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