Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize