Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
