i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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