i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
