I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
